(This is way out of date, and I’m not going to update it right at the moment, but I have copies of all of the books that are on Amazon as paperbacks, so roll with that. DM me on Twitter or MeWe if you want to buy copies. Or on a certain Discord server if you are a member thereof. You know who you are.)
At the moment, there is available:
- A paperback (a 6×9 edition, what we used to call a “trade” paperback) of The Lion of God available.
- A bookplate for people who already have the book and want an autograph.
Now, please do read the terms and conditions before you scroll down to make a purchase.
Terms and Conditions of Sale:
- First and foremost, remember you are dealing with a grouchy old curmudgeon. I’m honest, and I’m fair, but I can be pushed only so far. Best not to push me at all.
- I can insure shipments of books if you really want me to: For books, choose the price option that includes USPS Priority Mail or Priority Mail International, as appropriate. Note: This applies only to shipments of books, it’s not worth doing for bookplates — though if you happen to order a book and a bookplate, I’ll ship them together in the same bubble envelope and they’ll both be covered.
- All sales are final. No refunds, no returns, no phone, no pool, no pets, I ain’t got no cigarettes. Purchase at your own risk. If you want a return option, buy the books from Amazon.
- Lost goods: Packages are sent with tracking by default (books only, does not apply to bookplates). If lost, report to USPS or (overseas) your local postal service and please copy me. See above re: insurance. I cannot and will not replace lost shipments at my own expense. Once USPS takes possession of the package, my responsibility for its delivery ends.
- Damaged goods: Again, report to USPS or (overseas) your local postal service and please copy me. See above re: insurance. All goods are shipped in packaging deemed sufficient to protect the contents from usual levels of mishandling, and are conveyed to the USPS for delivery in good and salable condition. I cannot be held responsible for damage caused by automated USPS machinery or USPS human employee mopery and/or dopery.
- Payments are accepted in US Dollars only, via Paypal only. I do not use any other online payment system. Please don’t ask.
- No Checks, Bank Drafts, or Money Orders Accepted. Other than e-checks through Paypal, which is a choice Paypal gives you and doesn’t involve me taking checks to the bank, this is a hard and fast rule — no exceptions.
- No Digital Currency Accepted: I don’t accept Bitcoin or any other blockchain currencies. US Dollars only.
- Book orders are not guaranteed either to ship or to arrive on a specific day, particularly if I have run out of books and am waiting on more to arrive via slow boat from Amazon, but also because the USPS can’t be trusted on delivery times at the moment. The first time I ordered author copies, it took three weeks for Amazon to produce them, let alone ship them. And what the USPS has been doing in my home town lately with “priority mail” packages shouldn’t be done to a dog. I keep only minimal quantities of books on hand, because even at the author price, they’re expensive, they take up space, and there’s no guarantee they will actually sell. But if I have a book in stock when your order comes in, I will take pains get it out to you ASAP.
- Why am I such a curmudgeon about payment methods? Far too many years selling memberships and magazine back issues as part of my job as secretary of a not-for-profit. I hate dealing with checks (particularly when they bounce) and paper orders that have to be keyed manually into a membership database or inventory system. Look, it’s 2021. If you can’t pay me online in 2021, I can’t be troubled to bother with you. It’s that simple. (BTW, if you want to argue that my refusal to take Bitcoin, etc., amounts to the same thing, my rebuttal is, no, it doesn’t — dollars are dollars (so far, till Biden Harris Pelosi the commies destroy the economy), but the value of blockchain currencies fluctuates like the wind, and my wife can’t use them at the grocery store anyway.)
- If any of the above is a problem for you, here is the simple solution: DO NOT BUY MY MERCHANDISE FROM THIS WEBSITE AND LET US PART FRIENDS. I can and do say this because I don’t make a living off of writing books. All I’m trying to do here is provide a convenient service for those who would like to purchase an autographed paperback copy or an autographed bookplate. And that will be done on my terms, or not at all.
If you got through all that and still would like to buy a copy of the book, or a bookplate (when they become available) — THANK YOU!
The Lion of God – Paperback Edition
To purchase, in the form below, choose your mailing address location, and then tell me to whom the book should be autographed. Autographs will be of the form, “To [name] , all the best, [my signature].” (My handwriting is abysmally poor because of advanced carpal tunnel syndrome, please don’t ask me to write some long excursis unless you are an extremely close personal friend, in which case you probably aren’t buying the book this way anyway…)
In all fairness, I think Amazon.ca is selling the paperback for just over CAD $10, so you’re probably better off buying it that way and skipping down to the bookplate section if you want an autograph. This may be the case for other countries where Amazon has a presence, too. But I leave that up to the individual buyer.
(By the way, US Domestic shipping should cover folks who are on APO or FPO addresses, too. That seems to have been the case for as long as I’ve been sending packages, which is kind of a long time as noted above.)
- One (1) autographed paperback copy of The Lion of God
- Postage and handling appropriate to your shipping choice
All books are shipped in a bubble-wrap envelope:
Autographed Bookplates for The Lion of God
For overseas readers (and for US readers who may have already purchased the paperback from Amazon, just want an autograph, and aren’t within easy personal encounter distance), I’m offering autographed bookplates. Bookplates cost $3.00, post-paid, to any address, anywhere in the world. If you are overseas, and presuming you can get the paperback at a reasonable price from Amazon in your country, buying the book from Amazon and getting an autographed book plate will likely come in for a lot less than buying a copy directly from me and having it shipped at ruinous US Postal Service rates.
For a bookplate, I need only the name of the person to whom I should make out the autograph. There’s limited space on the bookplate, so let’s keep it simple.
The bookplate is 4″ x 6″ (10.16cm x 15.24cm). That may seem big, but the book is 6″ x 9″ (15.24 x 22.86cm). I figure you can stick the bookplate on the inside cover. The bookplate is an original DAZ3D render of Ariela standing outside her quarters on the Constellation, and it looks like this (sorry for the tiny marked-up image, but gotta protect my IP, you know?):
To purchase, in the form below, just tell me to whom the book should be autographed. Autographs will be of the form, “To [name] , all the best, [my signature].” (Again, my handwriting is abysmally poor, plus the space is tiny, so that’s all the autograph I can do.)
All bookplates will be sent in a sturdy “please don’t bend me” envelope, unless for some odd reason you want me to ship one with a book…in which case it will simply ship along with the book in the bubble envelope depicted above.