I'm The Beautiful But Evil Space Princess Who Rules A Galactic Empire, But Really Wants To Leave People Ruthlessly Alone!
A Light Novel in Three Volumes[1]
Japanese Title
私は、銀河帝国を統治する美しくも邪悪な宇宙の王女。でも本当は、人々を容赦なく放っておきたがる！
(WATASHI WA, GINGA TEIKOKU O TŌCHI SURU UTSUKUSHIKU MO JAAKUNA UCHŪ NO ŌJO. DEMO HONTŌHA, HITOBITO O YŌSHANAKU HANATTE OKITA GARU!)
Synopsis
Volume 1
Alice is the Imperial Princess Regnant of the Galactic Empire. At 22, she has been thrust into power after her father (the Emperor) and her two older brothers have all died in various ways. Her Imperial Chancellor, Lord Rupert, does everything he can to support her, but has somewhat different ideas about how the Empire should be run than did his late Emperor.
Alice has one major problem: She cannot be crowned Empress Regnant until she marries and produces an heir. (In fairness, it's the same way for the male heirs who succeed the throne while unmarried; they remain Princes Regnant until they marry and produce heirs.)
But Alice, being kept busy three days a week by interminable audiences with petitioners, and the rest of the week with what she terms "mostly busy work", has no real way to meet boys -- well, reasonably eligible boys, anyway, and of her own age -- with whom she might eventually take up and form a household. And she chafes at the necessity of trying to rule, hands-on, an Empire so huge it cannot be truly ruled by any one person to begin with.
Literally, she just wants to leave people alone, as her father and his predecessors did for centuries.
Then, into her life walks the Crown Prince of a planet many, many parsecs away from the Capital Planet...and her life begins to take on a life of its own...
Volume 2
Princess Regnant Alice and her companions, after a trip to Prince Daniel's world Xeros, and a visit to Lost Terra and a meeting with Michael, the mysterious, ancient human, have been directed by Michael to travel to Mahoukai -- a world of magical beings who will be able to properly train and guide Prince Daniel's sister Alouette in the use of her inborn magical powers.
But a nagging question continues to bug both Alice and her father, Roger; what is really going on, back on Capital? Is a revolution brewing? Is the Lord Chancellor, Rupert, somehow involved, and at what level? Eventually they must bid a reluctant farewell to the Mahoukaian Great Mages of Antiquity, and end Alice's six month absence from her Throne.
And what they find on Capital is far, far beyond anything they might have imagined from 50,000 light years away.
Magical Spells
I want to make a record of the magical spells used in this book. They're all in Japanese, of course, because of the lingering effects of the Goddess Eireala having understood the language of Mahoukai as Japanese, because the world was, in her own words, "an anime world". If you read the second half of The Lion and the Darkness, you'll understand this better. Otherwise, it's best just to let it ride.
In Chapter 4:
"Korera no ishi ga kumiawasa tte, issho ni hatarakimasu yō ni!" -- means, roughly, "May these stones come together and work as one!"
In Chapter 5:
"Korera no ishi o seiren shite imashou. Soshite, korera no ishi ni mana no michi o sazukete imashou." -- means, roughly, "Let these stones be refined, and bestow upon them the Path of Mana."
"Mahō to megami no na ni oite, kono tsue o tsukuru." -- means, roughly, "In the name of magic and the Goddess, I create this staff."
For more information about the magic of Mahoukai, see Mahoukai#Magic .
Volume 3
Imperial Princess Regnant Alice and Crown Prince Daniel of Xeros are now engaged to be married, by the laws and customs of the Church of the Goddess on Xeros.
But if you've ever had a wedding, or anything like a wedding, you know you have to hope the guests will be well-behaved.
Enter the Goddess herself, and her "plus-one," Michael of Terra, who have a bit of an emergency for which they need our plucky crew.
But don't worry . . . it's only the universe unraveling. It can wait till tomorrow.
Volume 4
(In progress)
General Background
The Milky Way Star Empire is the end result of a war between Earth colonies, approximately 20,000 years before the story's present. There were about a hundred human colonies at that point, many of them barely self-sufficient. During this war, most ships were lost or heavily damaged, and the vast majority of cities were destroyed, meaning a lot of information effectively went up in smoke -- including navigational data that would have included the location of Earth.
By the time of the war, pretty much everyone who had ever had any intent to migrate away from the mother world had done so. Those who were left were effectively sneered at and belittled as cowards and home-bodies clinging to Earth like little babies cling to their mothers. It is perhaps no surprise that Earth was not caught up in the colonial war, and even less surprise that after it was over, nobody from Earth came around to find out what had happened. Thus, Earth was forgotten and lost, until centuries had passed and the new Empire, with its seat on the planet unimaginatively named Capital, was established to prevent another war between the colonies. It was also intended to promote the expansion of humanity into the rest of the Galaxy, and in furtherance of that mission, began to amass fragments of the lost history of the original loose confederation of colonial worlds.
As Alice explains it to Daniel:
"We know so little about what happened on Earth, after the Great Dispersal."
Daniel snorted. "Left all the people behind who had no sense of adventure, and nobody bothered to go back to check up on them," he said, dismissively. "And then eventually, nobody remembered where it was."
"There was a reason for that," she replied. "A major war broke out between colonies, with a lot of destruction on all sides. Space travel and trade stopped for a long time while the colonies rebuilt, and by the time they did, they'd lost a lot of navigational data. Today's galactic map is centered on Capital, not on Terra, for that reason." She sighed, heavily. "And we still have no idea where Terra is, and they probably have no interest in finding us, for the very reason you suggested. They were the stay-at-homes."
"I'm surprised," said Daniel, slowly, "you know so much about them, and about the wars and such. Because, to be honest, we really know very little at all of them, back home."
Alice smiled. "Most of the records that were salvaged were brought here," she explained. "And I got a crash course in what we know about Galactic history when I was put on the throne, six months ago."
There are hints, however, that not everything was lost. Alice drinks Azure Mountain coffee from New Jamaica, for instance. In Timelines, New Jamaica is one of the first ten human colonies. If in fact this novel is set in the Timelines universe, that would be a major clue for someone who was aware of how old the colony on New Jamaica is that it must be rather close to the location of Earth. But that still would only get you somewhere inside the 100 light year sphere where most of the oldest colonies were. And a 100 light year sphere is a </nowiki>lot of volume to search...especially if what you are looking for isn't readily visible. Yes, I have thoughts on that; Earth isn't hiding...it's just...leveled up.
Dramatis Personae
From Volume 1:
Alice, Imperial Princess Regnant (22). Her full name is Alice Sarah Jane von Kannon. She is a beautiful young woman, of the body style called "petite," with long dark hair and dark eyes.
Rupert, Imperial Lord Chancellor (in his 50's). Formerly Crown Prince Roger's butler, made a life peer and promoted to Lord Chancellor when Roger took the Throne. In Volume 3 we find his full name and peerage are Rupert John Mackie, Baron of Sunvale. Sunvale is a small farming community not far from the capital city of, er, Capital, consisting of about 300,000 hectares of land. (300K hectares is roughly equivalent to three counties in Indiana, for reference.)
Daniel, Crown Prince of Xeros and Ounes (20), whose family name is Broadbent. He is an erect and athletic young man with red hair. Other than Alouette, his immediate family consists of
- Samuel (father, King of Xeros and Ounes)
- Martha (mother, Queen)
- Maxwell (Max), 12 years old
- William (Bill), 8 years old
- Amelia (Amy), 4 years old
Alouette, Princess of Xeros and Ounes (10). Strawberry-blonde. Beautiful and willowy...for 10 years old (NO PEDOS). She has a nickname (Ali) but doesn't like it, so her family mostly don't use it.
Alice's Maids: (all around 27)
- Janelle (Majordomo of the Household and head maid): "She was a petite little thing, with ever-so-slightly slanted eyes, and a skin tone Alice had heard was "peachy". Like a china doll, some people said – whatever a china doll was. Her hair was dark, long, straight, and lustrous; she obviously took good care of both her skin and hair[.]"
- Kaylie (Wardrobe): "slender, tall, dusky-skinned, dark-eyed"
- Giana (Bath): "another dark-eyed beauty with an olive complexion and long black hair"
- Jaslyn (Bedchamber): "another cute blonde, but this one with green eyes"
- Elisabeth (Kitchen): "blonde, blue-eyed". Soft-spoken.
Elissa, Baroness of an unnamed barony, Empress Dowager of the Milky Way Star Empire, and Alice's mother; formerly Roger's head maid.
Roger, the (retired) Emperor, thought to be dead in a starship drive incident; Alice's father
Michael – an ancient and enigmatic chap who seems to be first among equals on Terra.
Alice's maids, in addition to being Alice's primary caretakers, are also supervisors of the various areas noted. They are backed up by a staff of, eh, probably around 50, who handle things behind the scenes like laundry, the actual cooking of food, cleaning, and so forth. This staff was expanded significantly after Alice became Princess Regnant; previously there were only five or six staff assisting the five maids. A number of the current staff were brought over from her brothers' establishments. Others were seconded to the Empress Dowager's staff.
It should be noted that even the Imperial Chancellor is outranked (unofficially) by Alice's maids. This is something he doesn't realize until it's too late.
In Volume 2, the Great Mages of Antiquity and the Goddess Eireala are introduced. Also:
Mark, Imperial Prince, only brother (only sibling) of Emperor Roger. About 55. The "spare." Shunned by the rest of the family because of an "incident" with then-14-year-old Alice. In Volume 3 we find his full name is Mark Allan George von Kannon.
Simon, Mark's butler. Passed away some years ago. Possibly murdered. Major psychopath, diagnosis missed by the Order.
Mark's Maids: (all around 60 by now)
- Lisa (Majordomo of the Household and head maid)
- Jeri (Wardrobe)
- Jill (Bath)
- Monica (Bedchamber)
- Eva (Kitchen)
Mark's maids, in addition to being Mark's primary caretakers, are also supervisors of the various areas noted. There is little or no secondary staff other than a separate kitchen establishment, presided over by a chef named Jacob. These maids were selected by Mark's butler, Simon, with malice aforethought; Simon, being a closet psychopath, deliberately chose the worst students in the Order's school to serve him. At this point, they are mostly layabouts, since the shunned Prince has no public duties and little else to do other than figure out new and more bent ways to make money. They are, in effect, his harem, and all of them have warmed his bed over the years. In other words, they are diametrically-opposed to the kind of maids Mark should have had; but then, Simon should never have been chosen to be his butler, either. This is laid at the feet of Roger's and Mark's father, who had tragically lost his wife just before the time came to choose a staff for Mark, and probably wasn't thinking as straight as he should have.
Maids
This was head-canoned out in a set of Discord posts on a certain server (not mine) on 14 Sep 2025.
I was thinking about the maids last night. I think what the maids are, is members of a special Order. Not nuns, though they tend not to marry, or at least are celibate until they do. But they are trained to carry forward certain philosophies through the succeeding generations of the Imperial House. They are about five years older than the children they are chosen to serve. So if Alice was provided with maids at about four years of age, her maids were nine-ish, and already had been in training for four or five years by their Order. Of course what the Order cherishes and teaches are what we might call USAian tenets. Competence. Self-sufficiency. Care for others' welfare. Strong belief in Deity. An understanding of history and philosophy that informs how an educated and enlightened ruler should behave toward his or her subjects. So in many ways, Alice (and her brothers, and her father and mother before her, etc.) are programmed to believe in libertarian principles of governance. She already is uncomfortable with the idea that she should lord it over her subjects. And her ultimate attitude of "I just want to leave them alone!" will grow from that. ...I have a feeling that Alice's Empire is the end state of the human government in Timeline Zero, but I'm not saying so specifically. There are hints that it occupies the same universe, though.
And that's why Rupert, who is an old-school monarchist, is not going to succeed in what he's trying to do -- well-intentioned as it may or may not be.
Oh, and the boy children get female maids, as well, but in that case there is a male butler/majordomo over them who has also gone through similar training by the Order. So both of her brothers had maids and a butler. The butler's job is to train the boys to be men, and in many cases the butler has later gone on to become the Emperor's Chancellor.
The butler's job is ALSO to beat the crap out of the boy if he starts coming on to the maids, though because of the way the maids are trained, that's not a likely scenario (they'd probably beat it out of him first).
Also, to be honest, the maids and the butler stress chivalry and the art of manliness, so it really should never be an issue.
All that being said, it's not impossible that a maid and her prince could fall in love and later marry...and there have been Empresses who started out as maids.
The Planet Capital
The capital of the Milky Way Star Empire is, rather unimaginatively, called "Capital." It is a lovely, Earth-like world, with similar specifications (about 1G, 70% oceans, a decent mixture of different landforms, no large or even middle-sized fauna (the largest mammal is something like a chipmunk and there are a number of species of small bird-like creatures, and there are fish in the seas, but nothing else), and an abundance of flora -- trees, flowers, grasses, you name it, Capital has it. As a replacement for Terra, it's not bad at all.
Capital circles a G3V star out around the M2 globular cluster, so it's about 50,000 light years from Terra in the constellation Aquarius (not that they know this; Terra is lost due to the Wars of the Great Dispersal, and for reasons that will become evident in the story, there's no real way to find it even if you have the coordinates). This places it in the (old, in the galactic map centered on Sol) 1st Galactic Quadrant, and because it's the capital, it's now the center of the new mapping system, which is 90 degrees rotated clockwise from the old system, with the 1st Galactic Quadrant now to its galactic north-east, the 2nd to its galactic north-west, the third to its galactic south-west, and the fourth to its galactic south-east. The cardinal directions did not change, as it was still known that the Magellanic Clouds were in the galactic east, and they also knew the Great Attractor was in the galactic north-east.
The nearest star system to Capital is 15 light years toward galactic center. It is known as Hecate (because it was a "gateway" or "threshold" to Capital in the early days when Capital was considered on the fringes of the Empire). Hecate has three planets, only one of which (the second) is human-habitable. The planets are, from the center outward, Triodia, Enodia, and Apotropaia.
Xeros and its Colonial Indenture System
Xeros (where Daniel and his family are from) is a colony that's about 100 T-years old. It was founded when a rich ship captain (Daniel's great-grandfather) bought its charter in a lottery. Now how to get people to flock there? Sell citizenship shares that guarantee a vote. Initially offer packages of x number of shares to people interested in colonizing with him and becoming the Founding Families or whatever of Xeros, with the understanding that he and his will be the leaders (it's later he decides to crown himself king and create a kingdom). The packaged shares can then be resold at face value.
But shares are something like 50K gold stellars each. An average Joe (or Jill) wage is something like 10K gold stellars -- enough to live on comfortably, particularly out in the sticks of the Galaxy where Xeros is, and even to raise a family if one budgets and spends judiciously. How do we get Average Joe (or Jill) to buy in? Because that's what great-grandpa wants, is citizens, not peasants, but he also wants them to have skin in the game. So in order to sell a 50K gold stellar citizenship to a guy who makes 10K a year, he reinvents indentures. Come to Xeros, work 5 years doing whatever we tell you to do. We'll feed you and house you and even give you some spending cash. And at the end of it, we'll stake you to 40 acres and a mule (or whatever the equivalent is) and you'll be a full-fledged citizen able to run your family farm through what you've learned as a worker for the past five years. (Or you can sell it to someone else and go into whatever business you might have been trained for before you came to Xeros, i.e., you might have been a computer programmer or a financial advisor or whatever.) AND you have the colony leader's personal guarantee you will be well-treated during the indenture; in the Empire, there is no slavery. (In other words, it's a lot like how the early American colonies brought in people to work who could not pay their passage, but with an enforceable guarantee of good treatment.) It's difficult to get people to buy in because of trust issues of course. But as always there are some people desperate enough to give it a shot. And they find it's as advertised, and write home about it. More people decide to give it a shot. Lather, rinse, repeat. [insert the old shampoo ad about tell two friends they tell two friends etc.]
Great-grandpa is pretty much an autist who's spent years studying history and, I don't know what to call it, interpersonal dynamics I guess, and understands fully that you have to prove you're not a BSer and you mean what you say in order to get people to accept what smells suspiciously like a bad deal but really isn't, because he's personally guaranteeing what is being sold (even though it's being resold by other people). He's got ironclad contracts with his resellers that force them to enforce the terms, and the penalty for breaching contract is loss of all their shares and transfer of the indentures they've sold to his control. And of course within a few years one of the original group purchasers is pulling shenanigans and gets whacked for it. Which makes big news across that part of the Galaxy (he's not afraid of the publicity and in fact welcomes it) and prods a lot of people to take the chance that he's the real deal. Which is how Xeros is a very successful and bustling colony only a hundred years after it's founded.
The Broadbent family's "retainers" are actually descendants of many of the indents who came to Xeros with the promise of land and a vote in exchange for 5 years of labor. They're free and have property and are voters, of course; but they're proud of their familial association with the colony's founder.
It should be noted that indentures can be "bought back" before they are fulfilled by swearing out a document stating the facts of the withdrawal and agreeing under pain of deportation to never return to Xeros for any reason (not even as a tourist). A wage equivalent to the "used" portion of the indenture is paid out and the withdrawing indent leaves the planet on a free ticket to the nearest world (which is Faraway, 30 light years away). Personally-identifying information has already been placed on file at the time the indenture was initiated (including DNA data), so it is next to impossible to come back under a false identity. The ability to withdraw is part of great-grandpa's system from the start; it recognizes some people simply aren't cut out for frontier life and make a bad decision to chase the money and the vote, and allowing them to withdraw with pro-rata payment for their labor prior to completing the indenture makes the system perfectly (or at least reasonably) fair. Just...don't think you can do that and ever be welcome on Xeros again.
(Alice will purchase Xeros citizenship prior to marrying Daniel, even though as Imperial Princess Regnant she really doesn't have to. It's intended as a wedding gift to the people of Xeros and proof she will really become one of them rather than simply be Daniel's consort with no other "skin" in the game.)
It should be pointed out that children (and their children, etc) of indents who completed their indenture are automatically citizens of Xeros and do not need to pay the 50K gold stellars to get the vote. They don't get another piece of property, though.
And the indenture system is still in place for anyone who wants to immigrate but doesn't have the money to pay for their share. Though it's much smaller now than it was four generations ago.
Catgirl Maids
This was a crazy idea I had based on Sarah Hoyt threatening to put catgirl covers on books sent to her for the Sunday promo on her blog if the submitting authors made it too difficult for her to find the Amazon link to the book in their submission. At any rate, presuming an (as yet unknown) race of catfolk who were designed as one of the "violent" races in the Great Simulation, given that their planet is part of the Empire (much like the other alien races Ariela Wolff and Beam brought out of the Simulation to fight the Darkness), of course they travel around the Galaxy and have populations on human planets. And of course sometimes there are tragedies and catfolk parents die and their catfolk children are orphaned. Sometimes they end up in a Convent of the Order and are trained up the same way as any other orphan they take in.
The bottom line is that after Alice starts popping out children, she needs someone to care for them and, later, nanny them. Her own maids are busy taking care of her own daily needs, so she contacts the local Convent on Capital to see if she can find a governess. The Convent responds by sending over a catgirl named Pelyoyih, who was the only surviving member of a family that ran a small tramp freighter concern. (Yes, I'll flesh this out later IF I write more books in this series.) They call her Peli, and she is about 16, and is very good with the young orphan children in the Convent because, among other things, she purrs them to sleep if they are anxious or ill. Alice and Daniel are very impressed with Peli, and they engage her to oversee the Palace nursery and take care of the Imperial children until they get old enough to be given their own sets of maids.
This only really works well if Alice pops out a dozen children, like Queen Victoria...so I have to consider this in depth. At any rate, Peli will not show up in Volume 3.
The Catfolk race are called Rurracom, or Rurra for short.
Status
In progress.
Notes
- ↑ Well, probably three volumes.